The Humble Farmer: A mystery novel fan bewildered by a true crime

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You heard me say that while I can watch old friendly movies over and over, I don’t watch anything new. Colombo. Columbo roasting Frank Sinatra. Notting Hill. Jack Benny. The same goes for books. I have nine Dutch books that I read over and over again. They’re about De Cock, a detective from Amsterdam, and every time I read one I might learn a new idiom or insight into how the plots were constructed.

Psychologists have a name for people who have this weird habit, and I’m glad I don’t know what it is.

A recent escape to Alabama, however, caught my attention. Due to the special circumstances surrounding him, I check the internet several times a day to see if the escapee was caught and how a very bad man could have just walked out the front door of a prison.

If you don’t have a radio or television, a model correctional officer and employee named Vicky White escorted a 6-foot-9 murder suspect named Casey White (no relation) out of an Alabama jail. Their fate is now unknown.

If you’ve had enough of jailbreaking already, thank you for reading this far. Otherwise, here are the comments I posted on my Facebook page as the story unfolded.

Can you imagine how this white woman’s heart must have raced as she led this 6ft 9in killer out of the jail and into his police cruiser? Her eyes must have been dilated and she must have had trouble controlling her breathing.

It’s easy to get my wife, Marsha, into a similar state of excitement, and I did just that this morning when I asked her if she’d cut my hair.

Why would a woman get excited about cutting an old man’s hair?

You are right. It wasn’t the haircut that stole her little heart.

When she has the scissors in her hand, she’ll step aside and trim my eyebrows.

Friend Tim says Mrs White is likely to be found in a dumpster or a canal.

No no no. He is 6 feet 9 inches tall. He needs her for groceries and driving. He can’t go out in public but what he will be nailed. I wouldn’t be surprised if many very tall men were viewed with suspicion and possibly even reported this week.

He can’t even drive a car without sticking out like a sore thumb. His head would be all around the roof in most cars. He needs this woman. There’s so much news about them that in the United States alone, tens of millions of people with twice as many eyes would spot them pretty quickly. I believe many couples with similar builds have been reported every day this week by good citizens trying to help. Medical staff should be on the lookout for a man who comes to the emergency room and asks to have 12 inches cut off from his legs.

Their best bet was to have rented a secluded place nearby with a garage to hide the car where they could settle down without moving for a month or two.

Ms White made significant financial moves in the weeks leading up to the escape. She sold her $204,700 home for $95,550. The plot thickens. Cash is not their problem. Spend it could be.

Facebook friend Steve suggests Casey White might be hiding in a locker room with some basketball players. If the white widow is there with all her heart, she probably had a nest nearby already lined where they can lie down for a few months before leaving. We’ve heard of kids being locked in closets for years without the next door neighbor noticing, so it’s possible these guys won’t show up for months.

If you’re anything like me, you probably thought jailbreaking involved crawling through half a mile of sewer pipe on your hands and knees, or at least swimming a mile in freezing water.

All the romance of an old jailbreak was shattered when I saw how easy it is to break out of jail. In the good old days, they would blow up an adobe wall or at least tie a donkey to the bars and kick it in the rump.

If you watch a video of our most famous recent jailbreak, you’ll see that in 2022, it’s easier for a murderer to break out of prison than to walk out of a Walmart without paying for a bag of chips.

The Humble Farmer can be heard Friday nights at 7 p.m. on WHPW (97.3 FM) and visited at:
www.thehumblefarmer.com/
MainePrivateRadio.html


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